So we all know Drake has released his debut album today, and if you don’t know this then… I don’t even know how you cannot. But more interesting is the fact that someone forget to send a memo to Juvenile’s creative team for their splendid work on HIS new CD cover. Coincidence?
Yeah I’m mad late on this, but I don’t watch TV nor do I go on YouTube *GASP* unless someone sends me a link to a video
Anyway, this guy kills me and these commercials are jokes
If you are 30 or older you will fully understand this with a great big smirk
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.…Uphill… barefoot…BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to laya bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!
But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter — with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!
There were no MP3’ s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause — that’s how we rolled, dig?
We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it!
And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.… forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!
And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!
That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980or before!
Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd
Translating those phrases that MEN use
“I’M GOING FISHING” means “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”
“IT’S A GUY THING” means “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?” means “Why isn’t dinner already on the table?”
“UH HUH SURE, HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR…” means absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN” means “I have no idea how it works.”
“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.” means “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”
“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD.” means “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.” means “Are you still talking?”
“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS” means “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”
“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES” means “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”
“OH, DON’T FUSS! I JUST CUT MYSELF IT’S NO BIG DEAL” means “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt.”
“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING” means “And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon.”
“I CAN’T FIND IT” means “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?” means “What did you catch me at?”
“I HEARD YOU” means “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”
“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE” means “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realise it could be worse.”
“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC” means “Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”
“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE” means “No one will ever see us alive again.”
Husband & Wife
Before Marriage
HUSBAND — Aaah! …At last! I can hardly wait!
WIFE — Do you want me to leave?
HUSBAND — No! Don’t even think about it.
WIFE — Do you love me?
HUSBAND — Of course! Always have and always will!
WIFE — Have you ever cheated on me?
HUSBAND — No! Why are you even asking?
WIFE — Will you kiss me?
HUSBAND — Every chance I get!
WIFE — Will you hit me?
HUSBAND — Hell no! Are you crazy?!
WIFE — Can I trust you?
HUSBAND — Yes.
WIFE — Darling!
After Marriage
Read from bottom to top.
I don’t quite know if I could put the FAIL stamp on this one, cause I mean he DID give her advice on her car issue 
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
F A I L
Rambo: “Belinelli, I am your father”
